I remember being around 19; I was a leader for a holiday bible club that was going on at our church. In the evenings we had sessions for all the leaders. There was this guest speaker who spoke on something. I'm not really sure what it was but it had something to do with Jesus and us as individuals; that no matter who is on this earth, if I was the only person on this whole planet Jesus would still have given his life for me. Up until this point I had been a Christian for a while. Fair enough, I didn’t burn my non-Christian music like all the other kids but I kept trying to win God's love though, kept trying to do things, be someone I was not just so God would be happy with me. I had all these images of myself from growing up; I didn’t even want to be with me, why would this God want to take me as I am?
Growing up I was not the smartest kid; I was kept back in pre-primary because I could not speak properly, well its wrong for me too say I could not speak properly, more I could not speak English properly or any other of the 11 official languages of South Africa. I had somehow along life’s path developed my own language that only my twin sister could understand. Unfortunately for her she was kept back too in order to help me out. The plus side was I never had to do my own homework for most of primary school I just copied my sisters. It might explain the A’s I was getting or I was just really good at maths. A friend of the family used to cut our hair for cheap. Basically my hair looked like the lady stuck a pot on my head and cut it. My dad after working for the man as a health inspector wearing suit and tie for 24 years semi-retired as a landscaper, who sold plants on weekends outside the local shopping centre. My brother and I used to help out. Needless to say I was a prime target to get picked on and made fun of at school. I started to believe what the world was telling me, rather than listening to my heart that was crying out, "There must be something more!"
The night of the holiday bible club, I realized something amazing: that God loves me for me, that I am good enough for Him; that in fact I did not need to do anything for that love, it was just there. And because of that love I wanted to do as much as I could for God. The same love that makes me not want to cheat on my wife is the same love that keeps me wanting to do the best for my relationship with God.
The fullness of a relationship with God can only be enjoyed when we start to act out of love and do things God wants us to do out of love. Just as I can enjoy a safe and love-filled marriage because I am faithful, the same applies to God and me. I can enjoy a full relationship with God. That does not mean I don’t mess up; it would be a lie to say that I don’t think other girls are hot. (Hot or not, another thing I don’t understand but will look at later; totally not the way God sees it). In the same way I don’t always do what God wants me to do. Does that mean I throw in the towel and go chasing after girls and forget God and my wife? Never. I refocus my eyes on the prize; the prize is coming home to my wife everyday, the prize is being who God wants me to be. I realize how I am made, where I was born are all part of God’s plan for my life. My parents might not have planned me, but God knew exactly when and where I was coming. He also knows where he wants me to be going. The question is: am I going to listen? I don’t have a problem understanding who Jesus was and is, the problem comes in asking who am I meant to be in response to this knowledge of Jesus. How is this supposed to impact my life? If I believe He is who He claimed to be, then I hold that as a belief. If my actions are not aligning themselves with what I believe, I am going to be a very sad individual. Chesterton once wrote that he feels pity for a man that thinks he is his own God, simply because what a miserable small god that is; it cannot even fix one life let alone a world.
Jesus came to restore our lives but the problem is some of us have good lives and don’t need Jesus; he will just mess up our lives, ask too much or something lame. Chesterton wrote “the ideals of Christianity have not been tried and found wanting, but rather found difficult and left untried”. We seem to live in a world where people are more spiritual than ever, but their spirituality is based more on what they want it too be than anything of any real substance.
If I think negatively then negative things will happen, so basically the church is not to be blamed for doing nothing during apartheid then; it is the peoples fault for thinking it into reality. Give me a break. Surely there has to be depth to spirituality that has an impact on our life’s. Is there not something inside us that pushes us towards doing good? A moral law embedded within us?
When I was younger, I had a friend called Peter; he is a really good guy who had a big heart for people and really wants to make a difference in this world. He is one of the most gifted people at serving others I know and really extends all he is towards others, a lot of time too the detriment of his petrol. Anyway, one day before we became good friends my brother and I walked down to his house to see the door slightly open. We then without hesitation ran through the door, looked around and decided to steal his Christmas tree. We got all the way to the top of the street before he even realized what was happening. We knew straight away we were wrong in our actions. No one had to tell us. He didn’t have to come running up the street screaming ‘STOP’ you are being “EVIL’ for us to realize that.
When kids are growing up, no one teaches them to steal cookies or to lie either though; we are born with this desire to do wrong according to these laws we find within us. Our spirits are literally torn inside us; doing wrong we know is wrong and we do it even if we don’t want to do it. When we do it, then this thing inside us makes us feel bad for doing it. It really feels like a lame deal if there is not something more in all of this. Spirituality has to impact our lives. If God is real he has to impact our lives. If not, let's rather figure out how to switch off this thing inside us that makes us feel guilty for doing wrong things and enjoy a selfish life.
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