When I was growing up I was always looking for something, I always wanted to fit in. I always wanted to be accepted. Be loved. I looked in the world, I looked to my friends but they could not give me what I needed because it was not their place. I looked to skateboarding, and I felt accepted as long as I was skating and landing tricks. But when I was not skating I still felt empty. I looked for acceptance in girls but they could not find it for themselves so how where they suppose to share it with me. I looked for it in drinking but only found it while I was drinking. Once I finished I would just be left with a headache and still searching for something. Some where to fit in.
The problem was with all the I’s. I made it about me, about everything I wanted and needed. I lived a life with the ideas of what can I get. That I wanted too be the center of the world, the center of my life. The sad thing was though I could not even fix things in my own life, how was I going to fix the world if I was actually the center.
One day through my search, Jesus found me and said these words “You can love me, because I first loved you” Jesus was accepting me for who I was. I did not have too put anything in too feel loved, to feel like I fitted in. The he had made me who I am for a reason, and everything I need to be who God was calling me to be I have already been given.
My life was changed because of what Jesus had done, not because of who I was and what I could do or not do. It was all about Jesus. I still find myself sometimes making it about the I, instead of Jesus and his love. God is gracious and loving and gently puts me back on the path of ultimate acceptance and love. That as he works through me I am able to share his love with others.
Jesus loves me, even though my “I” attitude is the root cause of the worlds issues. It is because of Jesus dying and taking the place of the “I” that I am able to know his love and peace and acceptance. Without his love I would know no real love.
The other night I had to go to the bathroom and I could not see where I was going and I stood on Seth’s shark that made a loud noise. Almost as loud as me stumbling my way though the dark. Luckily no one woke up. The point is though, the longer I stayed in the dark the more my eyes adjusted and the more I could see, the more I could start to convince myself and my brain I was in the light, rather than the dark. The more and more we justify the darkness in our lives, the more and more we will start to convince ourselves its actually light.
