The apple that burned down the room

When I was in primary school, don’t actually know how old I was properly around 12, my parents threw a party, for which back in the day they where famous for. I come from a big extended family and in the days that everyone was talking too each other we would have friends and family over for any occasion we could. We had dress ups, Halloween parties where the whole house would be turned into a giant cave with hot ice bellowing out of the giant caldrons (before smoke machine days) and my dad dressed like a mummy popping out of the make shift coffin (since we didn’t actually have a real one) as people walked in through the candle lit drive way.  Needless to say it was always fun and full of people, the one year going back to when I was twelve wasn’t a dress up or anything but it was cool, my cousin who was a DJ at the time had bought all his stuff around, spit braai was on and everyone was getting along having a good time, as the party started to die down in the early hours of the morning and some people left, and some people just slept where they could, 

There was a group of us that stayed up in the outside room, If I recall it was my cousin the DJ, a family friend called Phillip (A quite Afrikaans farmer from Britz) and of course me. We stayed up all night talking rubbish and messing around, there was one 2l coke left from the party that we where saving for some unknown reason. Just one of those things. Phillip was in charge of the coke, and he lay reading his comic book all quietly and reserved while we decided to have some fun. We had for an unknown reason yet again had an one apple with us and some thinners. So my brother pours some thinners over the apple and I light it in the sink, it was cool to say the least. It went up in a ball of flames but it was short lived with very little flame much to our disappointment. So we decide to do it again, only this time my brothers hand is a bit heavy and the thinners goes everywhere over the sink, I am thinking it cant be that bad can it. Wrong again, the whole sink went up in a huge flame, forget the apple trapped inside there somewhere. Phillip jumped so high I thought he was going to hit the roof, he grabs the sacred coke and starts throwing it onto the flames, by this time my cousin is grabbing all his DJ equipment that just happens to be positioned right next too the inferno. I run out side to get the dogs bowl of water and start throwing it on the fire to make it go out. By this time as in slow motion the kitchen lights turn on and my mom starts to make tea and coffee for the ever awakening quest, little does she know there is black smoke bellowing out of the outside room, the roof is black, the chrome finish of the taps are no longer existent. So there we stood among the debris with no coke, laughing a little that we where still alive and certain of impending doom. When the smoked cleared we decided to tell our apple story and to our surprise it went down fairly well. Perhaps it was the fact that it was sunrise,  or that they hadn’t actually seen the damage yet, we survived to live another day. 

Silent Screams

Falling on my knees in anger

Calling out for help

But I heard no answer

My screams deafened me to it all

Flat on my face at the thoughts of all

I have lost and gained

Unworthy of it all but not worthless in it

I called but heard no answer

Silenced by my own stupidity 

Where is the answer i want, 

Is it different to the answer i need?

I will go on to trust in you

I cant carry this anymore

I give it all to you, hatred and love

When I call I will listen

You hold the answers to the questions

I haven't asked yet

My purpose found in your heart 

i am a boy

I am a boy in the middle of a mountain range living in a cave, although the cave has most more luxuries than most houses, like mattresses and running water and it was only for one night on a retreat.  I found myself at 27 years old exploring the surrounding mountains all alone with my stick jumping from rock to rock not thinking of the perils that could await me. Perhaps a big snake, or even a loose rock that will send me bellowing down the mountain side to my death or at least a sprained ankle. Perhaps so server I would be left there with no cell phone signal all alone to be destroyed and eaten by giant baboons.

How did I find myself exploring such wonderful surroundings with all this head knowledge of the dangers that await me. Off I went wondering cheerfully and excitedly from rock to rock, the answer was simple, I was exploring from my heart. I was looking for something greater than myself and was not worried what my head was telling me. I am a boy craving adventure. It struck me though that as I was wondering head down and smile on how often we loose the passion for our relationship with God because we allow our head to do the leading. Imagine I listened to my head and allowed it to stop my heart from going out on this adventure. My heart would become dead with despair and boredom. How true of our relationship with God, we live from our heads and not our hearts. Our hearts are very seldom used anymore, we loose the it that makes us alive and instead go on living good safe “Christian” lives instead of living the life we are called too.

In my wonderful adventure I found myself getting o so wonderfully and joyously lost, at times so lost I had no idea how to get back to the cave. But I was living from my heart, so all I had to do was find the biggest rock and up I would climb and I would be able to see my way again. Again God revealed to me that when we live from our hearts sometimes it might feel like we getting overwhelmed by things and that is when we need to stand on top of his word, for his word is a lamp unto our path. God will continue to show you the direction to where you need to go if you live from your heart.

When we live a head sort of Christianity we loose out on the adventures God has for us. Sure you can still can to heaven being a head sort of Christian but when we start too live as heart centered Christians and by heart I mean a God centered heart full of passion and compassion then we start to bring heaven to earth and start to live a life worthy of living. 

Pray for cars and it will rain

Once back when I was 18 I had borrow my moms car, she had just gotten it back from the garage where it had just had a major service. It cost loads of money and also gave issues so she was always a bit reluctant to let me or my brother use her car, but of course with our puppy dogs eyes and boyish charm we always got to use it. It also always broke down with one of us using it. More of a coincidence than anything else really, my car was this old black beetle. I loved the car because it was my first car and got it super cheap because my cousin owed my dad some money and was selling his car so I landed up getting the car. I was stoked and my friend Alan and I would spend endless hours working on the car and making it cool. Or at least what we thought was cool.  One night we took the car out to the movies, it was the middle of winter and that’s when we figured out the vents in the car don’t close, we where freezing and our last resort was to put my girlfriends jersey (she left it in the car, this never happened again after that night). In the dashboard through where the radio should be. We had the radio in the cubby-hole, as it was easier to install there. So we shuffled the jersey in nice and tight and it was working well until it decided to rain. As it was raining we needed to use the windscreen wipers, it was only drizzling so nothing too bad. When we got to the movie place to meet everyone including my girlfriend, she sent me a message to say “please bring my jersey out the car. So I went to grab it only to find that the windscreen wipers had tangled up the jersey and it had gotten caught that I couldn’t get it out and it ended up getting ripped and broken. It is funny how we all have gaps in our lives that we try fill with whatever we find laying around and appealing? It always goes back to having a God space inside of each of us that we just try fill with whatever is around whether girls, booze, or even sports.

 

So this night it was raining and cold so I got to use my mom’s car for legitimate reasons. I cant remember where me and Alan where going, but we where going out none the less. When I got to his house the rain had stopped and the roads where slightly wet, just wet enough for some fun. So Alan gets into the car and we reverse out of his drive way, as we are going backwards I quickly throw the car into first and do a wheel spin, however the wheel spin is cut short because the car just cuts out. My heart starts to race and I start thinking up excuses to why the car just stopped working. We manage to get the car under some trees outside of Alan’s house. The rain starts to pour down again and Alan and me are just stuck there in silence. Rain is dripping through the trees and falling on the windscreen. Then it was almost simultaneously that we thought back to Sunday’s church service about prayer and how this guy prayed to God and he got a wife. We both thought wow, what we are asking for is way easier than that. 

So I preyed for us something along the lines of “Father God, we love you and just want you too fix the car, we wont wheel spin again and will try be better people”. I thought it was a good prayer, we where bargaining with God, giving him what he wanted to hear and in return we would get our small miracle. At that moment our faith was huge, I mean it was either faith or the wrath of mom. After the amen we tried to start the car and to our surprise it didn’t start. No what, we almost felt a little betrayed by the whole deal, we had done our part, had faith and prayed a sincere prey and nothing. We felt cheated out of a miracle and also new the trouble that awaited us because of the unanswered prayer. After a while it stopped raining and we figured that God would answer our prayers if we met him half way, so Alan jumps out the car and starts to push, we try a few times and Alan can’t feel his arms anymore. I just feel the sinking feeling of surrender coming over me. I have nothing left to try, its time to face the consequences and phone my mom. Just before I do that though I pop the bonnet in the hope I can see what the problem is. Even though I have no real clue, I thought 5 more minutes won’t hurt. The whole time everything is going on I am still praying in my head asking God for help. When I pop the bonnet and look inside I notice that the box for the airflow straight into the engine has come off. So I clip it back on and away we go. Turns out the guys that services the car didn’t put it on properly.  

Seems God did answer my prayers but the way he wanted to answer them not the way I wanted them answered. He gave me the insight into the problem and I had to go and fix it. I think a lot of times we sit by and want God to fix everything and do everything for us. But if God has answered our prayers the way we wanted him too. We would not have developed a dependence on him, we would have properly in all honestly developed big heads because God answered our prayers on our terms, instead he taught us everything in his time. Everything his way, we don’t always have to understand that but the more we know the easier it becomes.  

Good deeds suck sometimes

Good deeds and noble lives sell books, it is almost as if God gifts people with the ability to write books once they lay down there lives for the true teachings of Jesus and go out full hearted for him and make a difference and get people saved. What happens to those of us that are stuck trying to do the best we can for Jesus but all it seems to add up too is heart ache and day light robbery. There was this guy, I could tell you his name but I forget it. Not an uncommon thing for me, I know remembering someone’s name is meant to give them more worth and allow them to feel at ease and more sociable accepted, but I really suck at remember names. I can tell you what Vicky had a fanta orange and nachos on our first date but not the name of the restaurant. 

So here is this guy, he kept coming to our house to look for work or money. I would also chat with him and listen to his long stories about nothing, ironically it would always be during a meal or when Vicky and I settled in for a movie. So I landed up giving this guy some work, chatting with him. Giving him some of my clothes and really being what I felt was Jesus to the guy. Let me just make this statement though, if as Christians our giving does not actually cost us anything it is not really giving. It cost me nothing to give away the old clothes at the back of my wardrobe that I never wear, actually it gains more wardrobe space so I have more place to put my new clothes I can now buy. We are called to share all we have, so when someone asked you for your shirt, give him or her the one you are wearing.

That will cost you something. I have a friend that is a missionary and has been for 15 years. The other day we where talking about money and how we survive. He said that we (missionaries) live off other people’s exposable income. That is true, but a sad truth. If we call ourselves Christians we should be sharing all we have, this is hard when you have a family and between you and God you need to come to terms with that. So this guy kept coming back week after week and I really didn’t have any more money for him but I would make him a sandwich and we would chat, or he would tell me more stories. This went on for months until the one day we had friends visiting and Vicky worked half day so we could go to the Dutch Cheese factory just down the road. This guy saw us leaving and decided to break in, and steal my computer and camera and a whole bunch of my clothes. He tired to steal our cheese but thought it more appropriate to just leave it out on the counter to defrost. The friends all staying with us had all their laptops and ipods in the lounge but the guy left everyone else’s things and stole just mine. Does this mean that we stop being Jesus because of one bad experience? Or does is mean we judge everyone that needs help? To fear everyone stops us from being Jesus to anyone. We cannot fear based on stereotypes or even previous experiences. Each individual is an individual regardless of colour or social standing.

Why do we believe we believe what we believe?

One night in London a friend and I headed down to Covent Gardens for skate, or to scout for girls or just to get out, cant really remember. I do however remember that my friend was telling me stories about how if you can to a place just before closing they sometimes gave you free stuff. Like any normal individual how could I believe him without actually experiencing it for myself? And further more free stuff was at hand. So we looked around for a possible target and ended up going to this pizza place, the fact that is was pizza was  a bonus. The real reason we went there was because there was a cute girl working behind the till. 

My friend was quite the charmer and landed up speaking to her for a while, needless to say we got two slices of pizza for free. Maybe because it was the policy maybe because it was because my friend was a hotty, either way free stuff. 

As we walked out of the pizza place with our new found treasures this guy came up to us. He could not have been much older than us. Asking for some money or food, as from the above story and us hassling for food, we had no money but we did have food. After some conviction and sadness we decided to part with our pizza, after all it didn’t really cost us anything anyway. As my friend was handing his pizza over to the guy he mentioned it was a bacon and banana pizza, still not sure why. But the guy responded by say “I don’t eat meat” but before he could finish his sentence he stopped half way and took the pizza and began to pick the meat off. I don’t know if you have even had meat on something and tried to take it off, you cant really get it all off. Why was this guy a vegetarian? 

Personally I think as a society we just believe things because they are the in things to believe, we don’t know why we believe things. If we stand for nothing we will fall for anything. I not picking on vegetarians here, I am asking a serious question, what makes a man go against what he believes and even practices to some extent? Some may say hunger; I would rather like to suggest that rather not knowing why we believe things is the leading cause for us giving up and not standing up for what we believe. If I believe in Jesus and don’t know why, I will be willing to call myself a Christian but when it comes down to acting out Jesus in everyday life I will rather give up, because I haven’t dealt with the questions as to why I believe in Jesus. 

Thank you Love

Just wanted to say I love you

Many times I find myself wondering what it means to be married to you, 

Wondering how did I get so lucky, How come I get to wake up next to you each day,

How come I get to kiss you whenever I want and hold your hand on our walks.

I don't know why I get to be so lucky, just wanted you to know that I know I am lucky and that I love you lots and lots :) 

I know its not always easy, and I know its not always fun. But I would go through those moments forever and a day because I know that the goodness and joy that flows out of those moments is where we are meant to be. Being so closely intwined that the soul of your foot fits into mine. 

Come rain or shine, you stuck with me, 

come stars and sunrise its you and only you

Thank you for being my lady wife :) 

Knowing what we know

Below is an intro to a little project I am working on! Called Saved by Chocolate Cake

When I was 18 I went to work in London for what was meant to be 4 years and ended up being 6 months which is another story all together. After a few weeks there and finding a cool job as a chef in a wine bar and getting settled in the staff accommodation, a room about 2 meters by 4 meters with a window that only opened 10 cm, to some that might sound big but too me it was tiny. But I was on my own and I was stoked, it was my first place away from the comforts of sunny South Africa. When I started to get dirty looks I realized it was time I did some washing. After visiting the local shop to get some washing supplies I gathered my things and headed down into the basement. I felt like somewhat of a hero, there is a strange sense that comes over you when you know you are on your own and about to do something for the first time. As I stood looking at all the machines and wondering to myself what to do. I remember I kept thinking a hot girl was going to come do her washing and we would become friends and life would be great. Never happened, instead in my excited state I continued to throw my clothes into the machine, throw in some washing powder and there I sat. I noticed some other machines had clothes in but the owners where not really phased to leave them unattended. They obviously weren't from South Africa; I wouldn't even turn around away from my washing, let alone leave it in the room alone. Although again I found myself wondering if in fact I left the room and returned later that day if my clothes would be dry and all nicely folded and clean by some washing fairy. Anyway, after entertaining my thoughts for close to an hour I wondered how much longer this was going to take, burger king breakfast finished at 10.30 you know. I walked closer to the machine to find that there was no water anywhere? Everything was dry with white powder all over it. It didn't take me long after that to figure out that the tumble dryer is for drying clothes and not washing clothes. I felt rather stupid in that moment. But was I really stupid? I mean how was I suppose to have know the difference, I have grown up in a family where if you didn't really know what you were doing you could ask and someone would show you or tell you. If you couldn’t find something you could ask, you just had to make sure you had looked hard before asking.

 

It is kind of like that with our walk with Jesus, we become Christians and have no idea about anything, we think we are doing the right load of washing when it turns out we just spinning hot air. It is almost forced on us that we should know what we are doing, but how are we to know with out people guiding us and helping us along the way. After all isn't this about community? I hope that the next few pages will help you too open up your eyes to the wonders of God, the goodness of who he is and who we are to him.

So often we are sold a chocolate cake Christianity, where they attract us with sweets and food, and while we there we stumble upon this person called Jesus. But that’s almost where it ends, the chocolate cake runs out and we are left with all these questions, not really knowing anything and expected to act a certain way and do things a certain way without actually understanding it.

Freedom

With great power comes great responsibility… Spider Man

Freedom is a great power… the desire for personal freedom had lead to wars to fights in the home… Everyone ones to be free…

What is freedom?? 

Gal 5:1  Freedom is what we have---Christ has set us free! Stand, then, as free people, and do not allow yourselves to become slaves again.

            This does not mean that we will never sin and mess up, the bible is clear that all have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God, what it means is that sin no longer has power over us! Christ has set us free from the consequences of our sins eternally… We still need to face earthly consequences though… if I sleep with my girlfriend, and my friend sleeps with his girlfriend and gets her pregnant… we are both sinners and need to ask forgiveness but our earthly consequences are different…

The more we seek freedom on our own the more enslaved we become to ourselves… we need someone that can set us truly free…

Paul warns us later in Galatians 

Gal 5:13 As for you, my friends, you were called to be free. But do not let this freedom become an excuse for letting your physical desires control you. Instead, let love make you serve one another.  

Why do we fight so hard for freedom just to give it away to something else… our physically desires… we say we are free but how can we be free if our lives are dictated to us by the things we do… by having to be drunk to have fun? By only feeling love in sex… by putting others down so we can feel better about ourselves!

Paul warns us against these things and says Christ has paid the ultimate price, we are free… that freedom is found in Christ! It comes from being content in Christ, trusting that where you are placed, God can use you and wants to use you…

Gal 5:16  What I say is this: let the Spirit direct your lives, and you will not satisfy the desires of the human nature.

Keep your eyes above… even if you walk into a tree, at least you will know where the tree came from…

John 3:30  He must become more important while I become less important."

Heb 12:2  Let us keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, on whom our faith depends from beginning to end 

Vespa Road Trips

I have an VLB 150 Vespa sprint Veloce 1976! She is my beauty! She needs lots of cosmetic work but the engine runs like a dream! The only problem I am currently having is I cannot get the wheel but off to change the brake pads and check out the wheel! Other than that she still starts beautifully! Goes like a dream, my top speed is 96km a hour, but can't really average that! That is more of a down hill go getter! The pic is of my most recent road trip to Humansdorp! It was so much fun, it was just me and the open road! Granted I didn't go too far, seeing as I headed out from Jeffrey's bay! 

My friend just bought himself a scooter, so really hoping to be doing some longer road trips with him, as soon as I can get the nut off! 

Does God want us to be happy

A friend of mine recently wrote that "God is more concerned with our Character than he is with our Happiness" I have not stopped thinking about it since I read it! 

First read leaves you going wow, yes God wants me to be the best little Jesus I can be and because of that I need to go through hardship to develop me! I need to shout along side James and rejoice when I face trails and tribulations because my faith will see me through! My faith in God, my faith that requires me to believe God has my best intentions at heart! Even if what is best is not always fun!

An example will be school, very few people enjoy studying for test! So it is fair to say in general studying is not fun (unless you have a hot study partner :) ), It is in your best interest for your own future that you study hard and get good marks! 

However, perhaps God does care for our happiness and that happiness is directly tied into our character and relationship with him! It is a happiness that transcends understanding and general happiness! it is an inner joy that comes from trials and tribulations knowing that you are becoming more like the person Jesus wants you to be! 

Soon Photos will line these walls

You consume so much of my thought,

Before my eyes are opened you are there,

As they close to sleep, before my head hits the pillow

It’s you I am dreaming of.

 

Captivated by all you are,

Waking up next to you is more than words can express

Finding you next to me seems all it’s meant to be,

Yet with each day that passes it grows even more.

 

Loving the place we have next to each other,

The untraveled road that lays ahead,

The unseen sunsets, the untold memories

The still photos taken in our heads,

The real photos that will soon line the walls

 

Past roads that have led us here,

Roads that have made us who we are

Roads we can’t change and roads we accept

For it’s made us exactly who we are for this exact time,

 

No other roads or no other choices would have made us for this moment,

All we are, we are now for each other, distant memories of everything behind

Just a future of our memories, just a future of our lives, just everything and more.

 

Thomas could have been Jesus

The other day I was in church and there was this black guy at the back on the side, looking homeless and dirty! (The church I was in is mostly white middle class people) so he did stick out quite a bit! However no one seemed to think much of him or give him a second look! I could not help this stirring inside me that "what you did to the least of them you did unto me" So after much debating of what could happen if I go speak to the guy, after the service I went and said hi, His name was Thomas, and was interested in church and God! I didn't really chat long, but I found out he has been coming for a few weeks! Made me think though if anyone had ever spoken to him, or what if it was really Jesus! What if everyday we drive past Jesus on the side of the road and do nothing about it, just drive straight on by, you just never say hello to him... 

However the other day I drove past an elderly lady in the rain and just continued driving... so I guess I back to square one... but the cool thing is I am more aware about people around me... the question is what will I do about it? Don't think you are off the hook, what are you doing to do about it???